• On Halloween, 1999, I awoke to find that my husband, Ivan, had a heart attack or stroke as we had slept. Though I had lost all of my Grandparents and a few Aunts and Uncles before this time, I had never felt grief so intensely. I felt all alone and lost. One evening, as I was online working on some emails, I decided to do a search to see if there wasn’t a place that could help me with what I was feeling. I typed in the word ‘death’ and found a group of wonderful people that took my hand and walked beside me. They taught me that it was OK to smile and laugh again. Sure, there were many days that this was impossible to do but there was always a tomorrow to think of and with those thoughts, I was able to start learning how to live my life. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long till I was stumbling, falling down and needed my friends to help me with a new branch of this path. My Mother, was loosing her 8 year battle with cancer. She joined her parents, several sisters and my Ivan, 1-11-01. Thankfully, I had plenty of friends, though I could not see their faces, to walk beside me again. Another year passes and we received information that my Dad had 2 types of cancer but because of his age and other health issues there was nothing that could be done. I remember Dad saying, “That’s ok, I’m ready to go take your Mother dancing again.” With a summer sky full of stars to light his way, my Dad joined my Mom for a very special dance, 7-14-02. Again, I was thankful for my online friends who were now becoming more like family to me. Yet, my story doesn’t end. In April 2004, my daughter calls to tell me I’m going to be a Grandma. How excited I was, for this would not only be my first grandchild, but it would be the first of the next generation for my family. In May, she calls me again, she is worried, something just didn’t seem right. She went to her Dr. and was sent home again on bed rest. She ended up miscarrying the baby. We cried together and I was thankful that I had introduced her to my online family.
  
  I am part of HALO’s staff, manager of the Living Room and a host because I do believe in what we have here. We can learn to smile, laugh and enjoy OUR life again. My story doesn’t end on a sad note either for I have been blessed to meet a man who’s wife passed to cancer and we started the next chapter to our lives by getting married 7-16-04. This does not mean that we have forgotten our spouses in Heaven and that we don’t still have our moments of sadness over their passing, for we will always have a special place in our hearts that holds a special love for them and that‘s OK.
  
  This path called grief isn’t an easy voyage to make so I pray daily that all who come to HALO and those that struggle on this path alone, may have just enough winds to keep their sails going so they too can learn to live their life again.
  
  

• On May 11, 2006, my father-in-law called me home from work so he could tell my daughter’s and me that their mom and grandma (my wife and mother-in-law) had been killed in an auto accident just down the road from our houses that afternoon. My daughters were 13 and 15 at the time leaving me to raise them without the two “ROCKS” of their lives. This was three days before Mother’s Day, exactly one week before my wife’s birthday. We had been together over 18 years and would have been married 17 years in August 2006.
  
  Prior to that, my Dad died in March 1998, my wife’s uncle in May 1998, my wife’s grandmother in June 2000, and my mom in September 2002. All of my Aunts and uncles on both my Mom and Dad’s sides of my family are deceased. As I am the youngest cousin on both sides of the family, many of my cousins are deceased as well. In the 8 months prior to the accident, five friends of ours from church died as well.
  
  Of all of these deaths, my wife’s and her mom’s hit me the hardest. Within a month of the accident I started counseling with a Hospice Sudden Death Grief Counselor. Although she was a lot of help, what we both realized was what I needed most was some sort of support group for younger Widow(er)s with children. Although she called all through a four county area, the Hospice Counselor admitted there was not any appropriate program for younger widow(er)s with children. One program that did exist an hour away was more about money than helping.
  
  Fortunately, through my attempts to find sources of information on Grief on the Internet, I found HALO. At the roughest experience ever in my life, I found others who understood the pain I have experienced through my recent loss. They all held my hand and supported me through various rough points. Thanks to them, I know that there is a light at the end of this darkness I have entered. They are here for me when and where ever I need help.

• In 1989 and 1990 both my husband and my father were diagnosed with lung cancer, heart disease and emphysema. My mom also had heart problems, diabetes, and strokes. I lost my Dad on Feb 9, 1995. Then we discovered that my mom had bladder cancer and she died of congestive heart failure on Sept. 9, 1995. I then concentrated on caring for my husband who had several operations. His emphysema was taking its toll on him and in Dec. 1998 he was told that he had lung cancer. He died Jan 31, 1999. We had been married for 34 1/2 years. Suddenly I was all alone in the world. I found online grief support chat and was welcomed by the most wonderful lady named Judy Divers. In July 1999 I met Judy and she asked me to host. I told her that I didn't think I could do that and she said "Trust Me" with that big smile of hers. Ever since I have been giving back what was given to me when I needed it.
  
  

• The first loss I had that made quite an impact on me was my Grandpa Bill. He was my Dad's dad and I was his right hand girl. I was 5 years old at the time. From that time on, when ever my Mom needed to go to a funeral, I would ask her to take me too because I wanted to let the kids know that I understood how they felt. Growing up I lost all my great grandparents, most of my Mom's aunts and uncles. When I was in High School, I lost 2 close friends. One lost control of her car due to black ice and the other friend, was riding in the back seat of her brother's car when a lady ran a stop sign. Seat belt laws were not enforced then, and she was thrown out of the car, which rolled over her. I remember trying to stay strong for my other friends while working thru my own grief too. A few years passed and then it seemed like the bottom of my world dropped out. My step-Dad passed unexpectedly 10-31-99. I hated seeing the pain my Mom was going thru but I too was hurting so we hung onto each other tightly. It was almost Christmas time in 2000 when my Mom calls to tell me that we are about to loose someone very close to us both. My Grandma Mona was loosing her 8 yr battle with cancer. By this time, I had moved from MI to OR so I had to make a difficult decision. Did I want to see my Grandma now or wait until she had passed? It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I went to have one last Christmas with her. I'll never regret the decision I made. We had some quality time together and there is nothing that can replace that time for me. Grandma passed 1-11-01 and though I wasn't there for her funeral, my Mom read a piece for me. Another year passes and Mom calls again for me to get on the next flight to MI. My Grandpa had been diagnosed with 2 types of cancer and was being brought home with hospice. As difficult as this trip was, I was glad to get the chance to say aloha to my first date, my friend, my Grandpa. He passed 7-14-02. For those of you that don't know, Char, who is staff of HALO and a host, is my Mom. When she first came online for her grief, I remember thinking how my Mom had lost her mind. Didn't she know that the Web was full of evil people? After a spell, I decided that perhaps I should check this all out. I was really concerned about my Mom's welfare. BOY, was I wrong. I found some great, caring and understanding people and my fears for my Mom went away. I was thankful to have my new friends here at HALO. In May 04, I miscarried my first baby and the wonderful caring people here were waiting to walk this new path of grief with me. When I was asked to become a host, I was honored. Now, just like when I was a small child, I am here to walk beside you and give you hope for a new tomorrow. I do understand your pain.
  
  

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